Does owning what successful people own make you one of them?
The line between the women we admire and the women we become.
Yes, and no. The answer lives in the meaning.
From the moment we’re born, we accumulate. We grow up, we work, we buy, we upgrade: the wardrobe, the car, the apartment, the people we spend time with. Each phase asks for a different version of us, and the objects we choose along the way become part of the record. Past experiences don’t disappear; they add context and colour to who we’re becoming.
Psychology has a name for this. In 1988, Russell Belk introduced the extended self theory, the idea that what you own becomes an extension of your identity. Not just what you wear, but where you live, what you drive, what you keep on your desk. Possessions are instrumental, especially in transitional phases.
But there’s a condition. A separate study, Adam & Galinsky’s enclothed cognition, found that objects only shift behaviour when you believe in the meaning behind them. Put on a blazer expecting nothing, and nothing happens. Put on a blazer associated with authority, focus, the version of yourself you’re stepping into, and your behaviour follows.
Extend that beyond clothes, and the principle holds. The object works when the meaning is there. Without meaning, it’s just inventory.
This is where emulation falls apart. When the woman you admire buys a mini Kelly, she’s buying a marker: a milestone, a turning point, a private agreement with herself. The object is the receipt. If you buy the same bag without the same meaning, you haven’t bridged the gap between where she is and where you are. You’ve bought a prop.
The symbol isn’t the shortcut. The meaning is.
What's Worth Your Attention
Worth sitting with
Bridging the gap requires knowing who you are and where you’re going. Three questions worth holding:
What am I actually admiring? When you look at the woman whose life you want, name the specific thing. Is it the bag, or what the bag represents? The home, or the discernment that built it? The wardrobe, or the clarity behind every piece in it?
Which symbols are mine? Borrowed symbols rarely fit. The objects that work for you are the ones that carry meaning you’ve defined: a catalyst for the woman you’re choosing to become, not a costume of someone else.
What does the meaning ask of me? The research only takes you halfway. The blazer doesn’t change you on its own. The work, the habits, the mindset, the practice is still the work.
Next Sunday: the objects worth owning when the meaning is already yours.
Until then, what’s on your desk, in your closet, on your shelf that you actually chose? Sit with the answer.
From the salon,
— Sabina